Reading 1/9/2021

Reflection

Today is the four anniversary of Papa’s death. It is hard to really comprehend how his death has transformed my life and the lives of my family. I wasn’t sure how I was going to make it through the day or really what I should do. He is buried about five hours away and so visiting his grave really wasn’t an option.

In addition to that weight, there were a lot of things that I needed to do around the house including grocery shopping and cleaning. Things that I never time for during the work week. A long list and a distracted mind don’t bode well for a productive day.

Card 1 – The energy was there in the end, I didn’t accomplish everything on the list but I knocked enough off that the day accomplished what I needed. My sweetheart stopped by right before I headed out the door for errands and giving my favorite drink of Starbucks, pastries from Corbin’s Bakery (my favorite) and hugs.

Card 2 – Papa died as a result of Liver cirrhosis. As the only person in my immediate family that drinks, I thought about not drinking for the day or the next month. Several times in arguments my sister has accused me of being an alcoholic. However, those options didn’t seem genuine. I thought about it and opted to have my glass of wine with dinner and another as wrote but put the wine away in the cabinet so I won’t be tempted to over indulge.

Card 3 – Loss and grief has played a huge part in my life these last couple of years and months. Losing Papa was expected and hard, losing Ed was unexpected and still at times unbelievable. I’ve learned not to try and move past the grief (i.e. moving on) but instead I’ve focused on adjusting to this new reality. After all, what is grief but proof of loving persevering ~ Wanda Vision.

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